4:33

4'33.

The best piece ever composed, credited to John Cage (who is clearly Nicholas Cage’s secret evil twin).

Words cannot describe the beauty, the style, the art of this piece.

It was the week before spring break when the administration of our lovely school sprung a surprise on the beloved Director of Music and Emperor of Dave’s (formerly Steve’s) World. Dave rushed to tell the String Ensemble: “Oh, by the way, we have 3 class periods to get a piece to performance level.” Outrage ensued.

“How could they do this to us?” cried a cellist.

“This is a disaster!” yelled a violin.

Poor Shree Kumar, Dave’s assistant and last chair bassist, he couldn't say anything at all.

Alas, there was but one solution: 4'33, suggested by Shree Kumar, associate director of music.

….

…

….and also Canon in D, conducted flawlessly by Shree Kumar.

Canon in D ended up taking the time from Assembly, leaving 4'33 lonely and unperformed.

The musicians cannot stand for this! The audience cannot stand for this!

Members of music arts programs continue to protest. We demand that 4'33 be performed in front of the entire student body at the earliest opportunity. 4'33 is a masterwork; the sound waves emitted by the instruments are at such a precise frequency that they cancel each other out. Even the conductor’s motion is factored in: 4'33 is designed in such a way that an errant soundwave outside of a given frequency shall collide with the conductor’s baton. The nature of the wave causes it to bounce off towards the tip of the baton, where it dissipates, leaving only potential energy. The only problem with this strategy is the collection of energy at the tip, causing the baton to break with enough error. This would undoubtedly ruin the performance.p

So, it is a deal us musicians must make with Dave to perform 4’33: we must play perfectly if we want permission.